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I am seated at my office trying to take “really good” selfies for my usual weekly posts on Instagram. I have turned this way and that way. Made faces, (goofy and horrible ones) smiled, got serious, turned my head this way and then the other way.
All in the spate of ten minutes!
Ten minutes i could have used in doing something more productive. Like write 500 words on my Ebook or some other shit that would bring in money.
Jennifer needs to take some selfies! Today. Definitely not tomorrow.
Sigh! The life of an aspiring Influencer cum Blogger. Yeah, tell me about it.
Table Of Contents
Putting My Selfies’ Game On
After taking all the ugly ass selfies, i have to start choosing! Why do we kill ourselves!? Ladies, ladies! The things we do! Gosh.
Another sigh. Is it possible for anyone to invent an imaginary camera that takes really beautiful pics of you and then presents them to you? I think i need to get all my creative juices flowing so i can invent one.
You all sit tight. Don’t hold your breathe though. Don’t comman and tell me Jennifer said she was gonna invent an imaginary camera for taking selfies.
Well, since i need to take really good pictures/selfies so you all can be looking at really good pics of me, i think i do need to get my selfies’ game on.
How do you reckon i achieve that?
Hire a professional photographer of course! Oh, how did you think i was going to do that? Turn my head 360 degrees every damn time i want to take pics? No freaking way! And i thought you all like me…
I can’t wait to start using a professional photographer for all my pictures, on social media and here on the blog.
Then you all will be “saved” from looking at all my horrible selfies. Lolzz.
Selfies Anecdotes 1
So let me let you all in on a secret. Don’t tell anyone. Please. There was this time/day i was taking selfies at home. I got my “eyebrows” on perfect that day. Yeah!!!
If you are a guy and reading this, i know you don’t have a clue as to the IMPORTANCE of having your brows on fleek. Ask bae, she’ll let you in on the secret..
So back to the day, yes i had my eyebrows on fleek. They were so damn fine (or so i thought until my “genius” sister Riri, who is a bad ass in “on fleek eyebrows”, told me it wasn’t all that good. Story of my life), i thought i should take some selfies. You know, show off later on WhatsApp and ermmm…, you know
So that day, as i was taking the selfies, twisting and turning at different angles to catch the light in a good way, i didn’t realize my sofa was behind me. How did i get there? Your guess is as good as mine! I swear i started like a mile away from the sofa!
Well, i tripped, fell on the sofa and the sofa had the effrontery to fall too! Talk about total disrespect and lack of decorum for its owner!
You all, it wasn’t funny. Not one bit so better stop laughing because i can bet with my new brooch that you all are laughing. Well, laugh away. That’s what selfies does to us. Get involved in funny, hilarious and sometimes serious accidents.
I wish i had a selfie video for that epic fall. I would have shown it to my future daughter while holding a “bat” over her head, just in case she giggles or laughs out loud! Hehehehehehe.
Selfies Anecdotes 2
I know you all can’t help reading juicy stories so i am going to tell you another of my selfies’ mishap. This time at the Royal Albert Hall in London.
I had a ticket for a show. A birthday gift. To see a show. For the life of me, i do not remember the title of the show. Yes, it was that boring but i loved the experience though.
I got a tour of the Royal Albert Hall and also got to see the room reserved for the Queen of England and her family!
But before all that, i had a selfie mishap. Could have been the mishap of the century if it had happened!
What happened? Being the selfie queen that i am (hehehehehe), i was taking selfies while walking on a freaking staircase! Who does that? Yours truly!
I was smiling with all my thirty two teeth when i missed my step! Oh boy! An HSE professional! My heart flew right into my mouth! Oh Lordy, have mercy on your daughter!
That was the mantra in my mouth that day! My legs got twisted. Literally! But by a stroke of luck, the “fall” didn’t happen. I righted myself, pretended all was well and marched on majestically to see the Queen!
Things we do to get them selfies.
The first was funny. So i lied it wasn’t funny and you shouldn’t laugh. Okay, sue me. But the Royal Albert Hall incidence wasn’t funny!
No, Not Even Remotely Funny
Lets imagine just for a moment that i did fall! Hmmmm. I said imagine. No i didn’t fall just in case you didn’t get what i said earlier. The part about marching majestically to see the Queen.
So imagine i fell. What story would i tell my future husband? That is if i am lucky enough to marry one with probably half a leg.
That i fell down a flight of staircase while taking a selfie?
If you ask me, i would say that is some stupid thing to break a leg or lose a leg over!
So while we are putting on our A game for selfies, we should remember safety. our safety.
At the end of the day, it won’t matter if we have a selfie taken on a particular day or not. You can quote me on that.
No matter what you need a selfie for, be it showing up, business or just for fun, we should be mindful and careful about where we are. Be aware of our surroundings. I have read online of people falling to their deaths while taking selfies.
A game on. Gone wrong!
Our lives are better than a zillion selfies we will ever take no matter what we are trying to achieve with those selfies.
Its a wrap. After turning 360 degrees, looking sideways, tilting my head here and there, of all 15 selfies, those are the only two selfies i could choose from the whole bunch.
Story of my selfie game. Sigh. Yet again.
Okay bye. Oh, wait! Did you think i am the only one that is going to swap selfie gone wrong stories? No way! Not after laughing off your heads about my epic fall.
So swap yours. Lets hear them KQ Tribe. You all know i gat nothing but love for you. Every single one of you!