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7 Strategies For Building Your Low Self Esteem

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graphic showing 7 strategies for building your self esteem

Build Your Self Esteem!

Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth and abilities. Self-esteem is self-respect. It is essentially, how you feel about yourself. A lot of young women and men have lost their self-confidence and esteem from bashings they have received from parents, family members, peers and friends, bosses, spouses. You name it.

Perhaps the saddest type of self-esteem and self-confidence killers are those that come from family, spouses and close friends. People who ought to have your back 24/7 and even help you build up your self-esteem.

Imagine a parent continually telling their kids "you will amount to nothing, I tell you". I have heard that from a lot of parents and God forbid I say that sort of thing to any of my kids when I do start having mine. When a kid hears that sort of statement, every day, it becomes drilled into his/her mindset. It becomes their "reality" especially when nothing in their life seems to say otherwise. The result? Low self-esteem.

I don't know where I got it from but I have always had a high opinion about myself. This is not to say when people do some certain things to me especially at work, it doesn't affect me. The sense of worth I have about myself comes into play and I am able to overcome and be myself knowing that the onus of having high self-esteem lies on me and not on anyone else. I learned this by practicing a number of things.

Today I am going to be sharing 7 strategies with you and I hope you learn a thing or two from here that will help you build your sense of worth as a young woman and man. But first, what is self-esteem?

What Is Self Esteem?

Psychology describes self-esteem as a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It is seen as a personality trait. Self-esteem is a reflection of an individual subjective emotional evaluation of his or her worth. It is a DECISION made by an individual as an attitude towards themselves. This latter definition was given by Wikipedia.

Self-esteem is synonymous with words like self-confidence, self-regard, self-respect, dignity, morale, and self-assurance.

reflection of a woman on a mirror depicting self esteem

Self Esteem: Your Reflection

Now, the words "Self Esteem, Self Confidence, Self Respect, Self Assurance, Self Regard" all have one word in common. What is the word? Self. Yourself. You. Now there is a reason the word "DECISION" up there is in caps and bold. Your self-esteem is a decision you have to make by yourself. Your "self".  No one can give you your self-worth, you have to define it for yourself. This means that no one but you can determine your self-esteem.

So here are my 7 strategies for building up your self-esteem

Love Yourself

We are so caught up with every other thing and every other person, we forget to love ourselves. This is the first fundamental to building your self-esteem and confidence. You have to love yourself. The magic is in YOU. You alone. Learn to love yourself, flaws, strengths and every other thing in between.

The magic is in loving yourself. Doing away with negative self-talk. Stop talking yourself down. Love yourself the way you are because you are a unique individual, unlike any other!

Look at it this way, if you don't feel good about yourself, when you don't love yourself, how would you be able to project love? How would you be able to project confidence?

You see, you gotta love yourself, darling. You are wonderful, unique and beautiful and there's just one of you on the whole planet.

I love myself so much, it's bothering on vain lol. How about you? Do you love yourself?

pic with the word the magic is in you: self esteem

Be Positive. At All Times

Being positive, no matter what comes your way, goes a long way to building your self-esteem. The power of POSITIVITY in life cannot be denied when it comes to the way we live our lives generally and it applies to build up your self-confidence also.

Be positive about your life, embrace your experiences whether good or bad. A positive outlook on life is bound to make you feel self-confident that no matter what comes, your way, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

I know it is hard keeping the positivism but that is the recipe for having a good quality life which in turns have a positive effect on how you see yourself and translates to having a high self-respect

Avoid People Who Put You Down

By all means, avoid people who put you down. When you are constantly being put down by people, your self-esteem takes a bashing again and again. Then you lose focus on what and who you truly are. It is like chipping at a piece of log, every day and then bang, one day, it is just a tiny piece of log remaining.

I used to have this direct boss who never seems to be satisfied with anything I do at the office no matter how good it was done. The thing is I was the one doing everything at the office but he would see still pick on me and we share an office. How do I avoid him?

I found a way of "tuning" him out each time he comes in late for work and wants to pick on me. After effectively tuning him out, I go about my responsibilities for the day and just ignore him except where it is absolutely necessary to converse. This went on for a few years till I got a well-deserved promotion and got my own office.

Learn To Be Assertive

Be assertive darling. Learn to stand up for yourself. Everyone will always have an opinion about everything under the sun including having opinions about you and your life. Its a free world and they are entitled to their opinions just as you are entitled to your own opinions.

Whatever opinions others have of you, know that it is not your truth. It is your belief about yourself that matters. So when people say things about you that are "not your truth", be assertive and let them know they are wrong. They can either choose to "see" your own perspective and back down or not "see" where you are coming but still back down because they will have understood that you are not a pushover.

At work, learn to be assertive also. Being part of a team means having different personality types especially those that do not like welcoming ideas from other team members. If you have an idea about a project, suggest it and don't let the fact that "Miss too good" or "Mr know all" are on the team.

Be assertive when airing your opinions and ideas. It passes a message across to people around you about your self-worth.

Learn From Others

Is there someone in your life who has this high self-confidence and never seem to feel any form of self-pity? Then you should learn from the person. Observe them. Watch how they carry on, converse with those around them, do things and even how they dress.

Every good thing in life is worth emulating so learn from friends, family, and colleagues whom you admire their self-confidence. It won't hurt.

Invest In Books

There are a lot of books on self-esteem that you should invest in. Amazon is a great resource to get books that will help you effectively develop high self-esteem.

The book, "Awaken The Giant In You" by Tony Robbins is a great place to start. Other books that you can read include "The Power Of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, "The Magic Of Thinking Big" by David J. Schwartz

There are lots of resources and you know Google is your friend. So go on a search and be on your way to being a badass confident babe!

Concentrate On Your Strengths

We are humans and we tend to magnify our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We want to "kill" ourselves over our minor weaknesses. This is a recipe for very low self-regard. Concentrate on your strengths. Those positive things you've got going for you. This will, in turn, boost your confidence in your capabilities as an individual. While focusing on your strengths, make efforts to build on those weaknesses so as to gradually turn them to strengths.

For instance, you could be very good at writing but not good at speaking probably because you are shy. The fact that you are shy shouldn't deter you from being a confident person. Find ways to draw from your strengths to make up for what you lack.

graphic showing 7 strategies to bossing up your self esteem

Boss Up Your Self Esteem!

Make Your Environment "Confidence Inspiring"

Do you know your environment which could either be your home or workspace at the office is a reflection of how you see and feel about yourself? Is that surprising? The first thing I do when I wake up is making my bed. Everything has to be neat, everything in its place before I leave for work every morning otherwise when I return to a chaotic living space, it "spoils my psych".

Make your environment a place, you are proud of no matter where it is located. Put/place things in your home and workspace that will make you feel comfortable. I am not talking about filling your home with expensive gadgets darling. Little things here and there. A flower or picture of you/family on your work desk, a comfy throw on your sofa, everything neat, orderly and in their place.

Your environment should breed confidence. It will boost your confidence.

So there you have it. Would love to hear from you all, on how you boost your self-esteem and confidence. Kindly share.

If you  are looking to improve yourself, check out these 3 Self Improvement Books For A Better You

You all have a fabulous week.

Kinging Queen

Love, Jennifer.
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46 Comments

  1. Sam
    August 13, 2018 / 10:32 pm

    Great tips…. it is indeed people who are closest to you that would hurt you the most but one has to continuously stand up for themselves.

  2. August 14, 2018 / 9:13 pm

    These are all great tips. I truly believe self esteem begins at home from when you are young so it’s great that you touched on the parenting aspect of it as well.

    • August 14, 2018 / 9:19 pm

      It does truly begin from the home front. A good foundation well grounded will always be a “spur” for self confidence. Thanks for your comments Alyssa

  3. August 15, 2018 / 7:12 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this important article! Loving ourselves is SO important if we want to truly succeed in anything. We always think of our weaknesses and what’s going wrong instead of our strengths and what’s going right! Let’s stay positive and investing time in our well-being!

    • August 15, 2018 / 7:20 pm

      Oh yes Erika. We always tend to magnify our weaknesses and underate our strengths. Loving ourselves is key to focusing on our strengths I believe! Thanks for your contribution!

  4. Chicity
    August 15, 2018 / 9:22 pm

    Powerful nuggets. I still think environment plays the greatest role… A school of thought calls it “Naturslism” which states that environment is the determinant factor to the way one behaves. Environment here could be sociological, economical, biological, physicalogical and otherwise. It is within the environment that we are shaped or moulded into what we become. Like u pointed , parents and close relatives should be careful of what they instill in their children in the name of upbringing. The words said, actions depicted, ways corrections are made, how love or hate is shared either makes or mar a child and it is that child that the environment has moulded that has grown into adult today. He either has a selfworth(esteem) or exhibits inferiority complex. Thanks for sharing… Keep soaring…

    • August 15, 2018 / 9:51 pm

      City your contributions on KQ Tribe are priceless and very much appreciated! Thanks for joining the conversation as always and thanks for the insights on the role of environment in building self esteem

  5. thecozycompass
    August 15, 2018 / 11:05 pm

    I was bullied as a child and had low self-esteem. I didn’t go through a big process to grow my self-esteem, but I surrounded myself with positive people who encouraged me to accept the amazing person I am. For those who kind of have to go at it alone these are all great tips to improve self-esteem, and some of these I use with my clients. Thanks for sharing!

    • August 16, 2018 / 8:59 am

      So so sorry to hear that. Your story sounds like mine. Going alone is always scary and i am glad you had some people to help you on your journey. Thanks for sharing this with us!

  6. August 16, 2018 / 6:55 am

    I think this highlights the importance of self-care. We often too hard on ourselves, most of us need to learn to practise some self-compassion.

    • August 16, 2018 / 8:57 am

      Yes we do need to practice self love. Have compassion for ourselves, our bodies and all that.

  7. August 16, 2018 / 10:00 am

    I love the advice to keep your surroundings positive and confidence-building. This is the reason that I stopped turning on the news for more than 5 minutes in the morning. Instead, I listen to motivational videos on YouTube to get my day started with a positive mindset. I speak the affirmations, set my agenda for the door and know that I will be successful because I have all the power/resources/motherwit to make happen. Thanks for sharing ways to improve our confidence.

    • August 16, 2018 / 10:32 am

      I love all the things you do and you say you know you will be successful because you have all the power and resources to make it happen! Thanks for sharing these with us!

  8. August 16, 2018 / 12:54 pm

    Really inspiring post. Avoiding people who embrace negativity is a great way to improving self esteem.

  9. jessylauren
    August 16, 2018 / 6:31 pm

    I sometimes really struggle with this letting things get to me. This is a great list to get out of it! Thanks!

    • August 16, 2018 / 7:39 pm

      You are welcome! Thanks for your encouraging comments

  10. August 16, 2018 / 8:12 pm

    I couldn’t love this post more!! This is so great and empowering to read! I for one has always had a problem with self esteem and only recently have been realizing it’s all about knowing your worth – BUT that realization about the DECISION. Oh my… so powerful!!! 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing these and also the book tips! I will certainly check them out! xx

  11. August 19, 2018 / 10:42 am

    Very detailed and informative writeup….practical suggestions…
    Thank you..

    • August 19, 2018 / 9:44 am

      Thank you Krish. You are welcome and have a productive week ahead

  12. August 19, 2018 / 12:32 pm

    What an amazing article. Loved everything about it. I love all the things you do and you say you know you will be successful because you have all the power and resources to make it happen!

  13. August 19, 2018 / 1:33 pm

    I enjoyed the simplicity of the article. Everything we do as people starts in our mind.

    • August 19, 2018 / 1:35 pm

      It does all start from the mind. Thanks Kiera for your contribution. Have a productive week ahead

  14. August 19, 2018 / 2:00 pm

    You got me at investing on books. this is a great article that will help a lot of people dealing with low self-esteem like me. =)

    • August 19, 2018 / 1:14 pm

      I hope it does help you and others who get to read this!

  15. August 20, 2018 / 2:58 pm

    some great advice here. God knows, even though I am an adult at 37 I have low self esteem. and I should start utilizing these steps. Starting with cutting people out of my life and sadly enough one of those people will have to be my significant other, because he is always calling me a child…

    • August 20, 2018 / 2:07 pm

      Jennifer, the decision starts with you. You have to make up your mind about it! I’m no relationship expert but I think you should talk to your significant other first. A heart to heart talk and tell him your concerns and then take it from there. I wish you the best of luck!

  16. August 21, 2018 / 8:38 pm

    Useful and informative, especially on being positive. You’re right, it’s not easy to be positive constantly, but all the energy that’s put into positivity, will pay back in positivity from other people you meet. Great post 🙂

    • August 21, 2018 / 8:45 pm

      I know right? Not easy being upbeat and positive! But what can we do? We gotta try and when the bad days come, we do our best to keep our heads up! Thanks Yechen for your contribution. Have a great week!

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    • October 5, 2018 / 12:11 pm

      I am interested. kindly use the info on my contact page! Thanks and have a pleasant weekend!

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    • October 7, 2018 / 9:15 am

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  23. Mariette Dutson
    October 13, 2018 / 3:47 pm

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  24. Lisa Moshfeghi
    November 24, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    It sounds like it should work, but unfortunately “Being positive” all the time doesn’t. it’s fake.

  25. Lisa Moshfeghi
    November 24, 2018 / 3:13 pm

    Being positive all the time is fake. But it’s a nice fantasy.

  26. May 14, 2019 / 12:06 am

    I recently discovered Brene Brown and she’s incredible!!! So is this article! Thank you! I am always working on improving my confidence and self-esteem. I will be employing some of these great tips!

    • May 14, 2019 / 11:54 am

      Veronica, I don’t know who Brene Brown is! But I’m sure Google will help rectify that for me! Thank you and you are most welcome! Enjoy the rest of the week.

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