Dear queens, today, I would like to talk about how to build self-esteem
Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth and abilities. Self-esteem is self-respect. It is essentially, how you feel about yourself. A lot of young women and men have lost their self-confidence and esteem from bashing they have received from parents, family members, peers and friends, bosses, spouses. You name it.
Perhaps the saddest type of self-esteem and self-confidence killers are those that come from family, spouses and close friends. People who ought to have your back 24/7 and even help you build up your self-esteem.
Imagine a parent continually telling their kids "you will amount to nothing, I tell you". I have heard that from a lot of parents and God forbid I say that sort of thing to any of my kids when I do start having mine. When a kid hears that sort of statement, every day, it becomes drilled into his/her mindset. It becomes their "reality" especially when nothing in their life seems to say otherwise. The result? Low self-esteem.
I don't know where I got it from but I have always had a high opinion about myself. This is not to say when people do some certain things to me especially at work, it doesn't affect me. The sense of worth I have about myself comes into play and I am able to overcome and be myself knowing that the onus of having high self-esteem lies on me and not on anyone else. I learned this by practicing a number of things.
Today I am going to be sharing 7 strategies with you and I hope you learn a thing or two from here that will help you build your sense of worth as a young woman and man. But first, what is self-esteem?
What Is Self Esteem?
Table Of Contents
- What Is Self Esteem?
- 1. How To Build Self-Esteem: Love Yourself
- 2. How To Build Self Esteem: Be Positive. At All Times
- 3. How To Build Self-Esteem: Avoid People Who Put You Down
- 4. How To Build Self-Esteem: Learn To Be Assertive
- 5. How To Build Self-Esteem: Learn From Others
- 6. How To Build Self-Esteem: Invest In Books
- 7. Build Your Self-Esteem: Concentrate On Your Strengths
- Make Your Environment "Confidence Inspiring"
Psychology describes self-esteem as a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It is seen as a personality trait. Self-esteem is a reflection of an individual subjective emotional evaluation of his or her worth. It is a DECISION made by an individual as an attitude towards themselves. This latter definition was given by Wikipedia.
Self-esteem is synonymous with words like self-confidence, self-regard, self-respect, dignity, morale, and self-assurance.
Now, the words "Self Esteem, Self Confidence, Self Respect, Self Assurance, Self Regard" all have one word in common. What is the word? Self. Yourself. You. Now there is a reason the word "DECISION" up there is in caps and bold. Your self-esteem is a decision you have to make by yourself. Your "self". No one can give you your self-worth, you have to define it for yourself. This means that no one but you can determine your self-esteem.
So here are my 7 strategies for building up your self-esteem
1. How To Build Self-Esteem: Love Yourself
We are so caught up with every other thing and every other person, we forget to love ourselves. This is the first fundamental to building your self-esteem and confidence. You have to love yourself. The magic is in YOU. You alone. Learn to love yourself, flaws, strengths and every other thing in between.
The magic is in loving yourself. Doing away with negative self-talk. Stop talking yourself down. Love yourself the way you are because you are a unique individual, unlike any other!
Look at it this way, if you don't feel good about yourself, when you don't love yourself, how would you be able to project love? How would you be able to project confidence?
You see, you gotta love yourself, darling. You are wonderful, unique and beautiful and there's just one of you on the whole planet.
I love myself so much, it's bothering on vain lol. How about you? Do you love yourself?
Related: Self Care: 101 Ways To Practice it
2. How To Build Self Esteem: Be Positive. At All Times
Being positive, no matter what comes your way, goes a long way to building your self-esteem. The power of POSITIVITY in life cannot be denied when it comes to the way we live our lives generally and it applies to build up your self-confidence also.
Be positive about your life, embrace your experiences whether good or bad. A positive outlook on life is bound to make you feel self-confident that no matter what comes, your way, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
I know it is hard keeping the positivism but that is the recipe for having a good quality life which in turns have a positive effect on how you see yourself and translates to having a high self-respect
3. How To Build Self-Esteem: Avoid People Who Put You Down
By all means, avoid people who put you down. When you are constantly being put down by people, your self-esteem takes a bashing again and again. Then you lose focus on what and who you truly are. It is like chipping at a piece of log, every day and then bang, one day, it is just a tiny piece of log remaining.
I used to have this direct boss who never seems to be satisfied with anything I do at the office no matter how good it was done. The thing is I was the one doing everything at the office but he would see still pick on me and we share an office. How do I avoid him?
I found a way of "tuning" him out each time he comes in late for work and wants to pick on me. After effectively tuning him out, I go about my responsibilities for the day and just ignore him except where it is absolutely necessary to converse. This went on for a few years till I got a well-deserved promotion and got my own office.
4. How To Build Self-Esteem: Learn To Be Assertive
Be assertive darling. Learn to stand up for yourself. Everyone will always have an opinion about everything under the sun including having opinions about you and your life. Its a free world and they are entitled to their opinions just as you are entitled to your own opinions.
Whatever opinions others have of you, know that it is not your truth. It is your belief about yourself that matters. So when people say things about you that are "not your truth", be assertive and let them know they are wrong. They can either choose to "see" your own perspective and back down or not "see" where you are coming but still back down because they will have understood that you are not a pushover.
At work, learn to be assertive also. Being part of a team means having different personality types especially those that do not like welcoming ideas from other team members. If you have an idea about a project, suggest it and don't let the fact that "Miss too good" or "Mr know all" are on the team.
Be assertive when airing your opinions and ideas. It passes a message across to people around you about your self-worth.
5. How To Build Self-Esteem: Learn From Others
Is there someone in your life who has this high self-confidence and never seem to feel any form of self-pity? Then you should learn from the person. Observe them. Watch how they carry on, converse with those around them, do things and even how they dress.
Every good thing in life is worth emulating so learn from friends, family, and colleagues whom you admire their self-confidence. It won't hurt.
6. How To Build Self-Esteem: Invest In Books
There are a lot of books on self-esteem that you should invest in. Amazon is a great resource to get books that will help you effectively develop high self-esteem.
The book, "Awaken The Giant In You" by Tony Robbins is a great place to start. Other books that you can read include "The Power Of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, "The Magic Of Thinking Big" by David J. Schwartz
Get these 3 Self Improvement Books and be on your way to being a badass confident babe!
7. Build Your Self-Esteem: Concentrate On Your Strengths
We are humans and we tend to magnify our weaknesses instead of our strengths. We want to "kill" ourselves over our minor weaknesses. This is a recipe for very low self-regard. Concentrate on your strengths. Those positive things you've got going for you. This will, in turn, boost your confidence in your capabilities as an individual. While focusing on your strengths, make efforts to build on those weaknesses so as to gradually turn them to strengths.
For instance, you could be very good at writing but not good at speaking probably because you are shy. The fact that you are shy shouldn't deter you from being a confident person. Find ways to draw from your strengths to make up for what you lack.
Make Your Environment "Confidence Inspiring"
Do you know your environment which could either be your home or workspace at the office is a reflection of how you see and feel about yourself? Is that surprising? The first thing I do when I wake up is making my bed. Everything has to be neat, everything in its place before I leave for work every morning otherwise when I return to a chaotic living space, it "spoils my psych".
Make your environment a place, you are proud of no matter where it is located. Put/place things in your home and workspace that will make you feel comfortable. I am not talking about filling your home with expensive gadgets darling. Little things here and there. A flower or picture of you/family on your work desk, a comfy throw on your sofa, everything neat, orderly and in their place.
Your environment should breed confidence. It will boost your confidence.
If you are looking to improve yourself, here are helpful resources to help you on your personal development, productivity and self-improvement goals.
So there you have it. Would love to hear from you all, on how you build your self-esteem and confidence. Kindly share.